so for this post, let’s just jump to the present rather than dwell in the past, shall we? i have my whole life left to admit to all the debacles that have happened. and believe you me, revisiting them aren’t at the top of my list of “things to do.” but ok, let’s focus here internets, i have problems NOW.
apparently, in some kind of weird twist of fate, i’m dating two boys at the same time. i hadn’t planned for this to happen and i really feel like a huge asshole juggling two people at the same time but the one doesn’t fulfill my needs and the other seems entirely too young to be “the one.” so my solution to this problem is the worst-possible-solution-known-to-mankind or in other word’s “shannon’s way”.
the entire situation makes me nauseous (but clearly not nauseous enough to break either off) and yesterday i literally said “ok, i have to break it off with #1” and then 4 hours later i said “ok, i’m definitely breaking it off with #2.” (to which i was promptly called out by my roommate that i had just contradicted my original decision hours earlier, she is such a bitch sometimes).
the thing is, when i think about it really *really* hard, they’re probably both just blips on the radar because that warm fuzziness hasn’t happened with either person (yet, could my guilt just be masking it, at least with #2? perhaps a question to ask the magic 8 ball one day). anyway, the situation is incredibly complicated and not something i’m able to articulate at the moment (after drinking a bottle of wine) and more importantly (maybe?) i especially don’t want to start a relationship with either of them that is marred by infidelty (i may be a cheating whore at the moment, but i do have morals lurking underneath the surface of scum, c’mon).
but like, i’m not double dippin’ so that’s a plus, right? yeah, i didn’t think so. sigh.
yet, probably the hardest part is admitting that #1 reminds me entirely too much of “the one who got away” while #2 doesn’t, and i’m disgustingly torn simply because of this reason alone.